Silent Wednesday

I wonder today what Jesus must have been feeling on this Wednesday.  He knew full well that betrayal was to come.  He was preparing to share his final meal with his disciples with its meaning soon to be lived out.  He was preparing his body for the pain and the suffering of his father’s will that he’d known was coming all along.

But today is only Wednesday and he hasn’t quite reached the turning of the page.

Is he afraid? Is he ready? Is he dreading the days designed to break him? Is he ready for the accusations to whip across his back tearing his flesh? Is he ready to bear the cross and trudge up a hill? Is he ready to hang from nails and die in front of mockers so many? Is he ready to be sacrificed? Is he ready to die for us? Is he ready to die for me? I think Jesus was ready for a Silent Wednesday to prepare him for his purpose.

I’ve never done a fast from eating for 24 hours before. Not for my faith’s sake, not for my health, not for anything. But I’ve been part of a nutrition group for the past few weeks that asks us to fast for one day this week and I chose today. No food, no junk, just to drink up.

I chose today knowing work will keep me busy, but also truly eager to see what things in my life are filling me up. When food is off the table, what am I reaching for and putting on my plate? And am I getting full? Am I still hungry? Are the items on my plate good for me, or are they poisoning my insides?

I want to examine myself today. Just me, my heart, my wants, my needs, my faith, my fears, my pain, my struggles, and my consumption of the living water. I want a Silent Wednesday to remind me of my purpose.

Jesus knew his purpose in this life was to make disciples to tell of the deep deep love of God for us, and then to die so that we all might have hope and freedom from sin through his blood. All to obey his father’s plan. It was all for us!

But what is my purpose? Isn’t it the same? Isn’t it to show people the love of God? Isn’t it to sacrifice myself so that people may know Jesus through me? Isn’t it to give people freedom through the blood that flowed from his side? Isn’t it to give people hope through his resurrection and promise to come again?

My purpose is not to eat the things that don’t fill me with love. My purpose is to throw out the things going to waste in my life.

So today I take my Silent Wednesday to prepare for my days to come. No, I’m not going to be beaten and hung on a cross to die on a hill. I don’t have the weight of the sins of the world on my shoulders. But I do have a purpose. I do have a choice to make. Will I choose comfort in the days I’ve been living? Or will I choose the fight for the days he’s prepared for me? I’m choosing to take a Silent Wednesday.