Life has been really loud lately. Charlie, like her momma, always has a song in her heart, usually sung at the top of her little baby lungs. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star has been mastered, as well as Jingle Bells and Happy Birthday (only grandpa has birthdays so far), and now we are working on The Farmer in the Dell.
I love this loud.
But there are many other noises blaring in my life. The phone is always ringing, the scale is dinging, the baby is crying, the emails are coming in, the paperwork is piling, the friends are texting (or they aren’t), the baby is making me laugh, the planning never ends, the feelings want felt, the miles need to be ran, the laundry is piling (insert… dishes, dusting, vacuuming, cooking, bed making, weeding…here). These noises I can handle. These noises I can manage and organize and multitask.
It’s the noises that are MY OWN thoughts that are the noises I can’t figure out how to turn down.
I’m thinking thoughts of what I think of me. I’m thinking thoughts of what others may think of me. It’s that voice in my head that is so loud, and he lies so well to me.
His lies are so good, and I believe them. And then I hurt, and I get sucked into this mindset that I am not enough. I am not doing enough, living enough, experiencing enough, giving enough, being enough, enough enough enough ENOUGH! I hate that sick circle. I just go round and round, sparring myself. I’m taking punches and throwing punches, but only hurting myself.
So how do I get out? How do I get out of my head and get over myself?
I’ve got to give myself permission to let God take over. One of my favorite authors and speaker, Jen Hatmaker, said
“we need to give our hearts permission to trust God.”
That’s REALLY hard for me, but it REALLY shouldn’t be.
He is our creator, and our good good Father. Why wouldn’t I want him ruling my heart, mind, and life? I cannot control this life because it’s not really mine to live. It was purposed so specifically and beautifully to me, BUT IT’S FOR HIS GLORY, not mine.
So when my ears are ringing with noise, I really should follow my daughters lead and sing the song in my heart to drown out the lies.
I’m apologizing now in advance for the songs I love to sing but don’t always know the words so I just make up my own.
And I’ll leave you with a friendly reminder song to “Think Good Thoughts,” thank you Colbie Caillat.