Noise

Life has been really loud lately. Charlie, like her momma, always has a song in her heart, usually sung at the top of her little baby lungs. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star has been mastered, as well as Jingle Bells and Happy Birthday (only grandpa has birthdays so far), and now we are working on The Farmer in the Dell.

I love this loud.

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But there are many other noises blaring in my life. The phone is always ringing, the scale is dinging, the baby is crying, the emails are coming in, the paperwork is piling, the friends are texting (or they aren’t), the baby is making me laugh, the planning never ends, the feelings want felt, the miles need to be ran, the laundry is piling (insert… dishes, dusting, vacuuming, cooking, bed making, weeding…here). These noises I can handle. These noises I can manage and organize and multitask.

It’s the noises that are MY OWN thoughts that are the noises I can’t figure out how to turn down.
I’m thinking thoughts of what I think of me. I’m thinking thoughts of what others may think of me. It’s that voice in my head that is so loud, and he lies so well to me.
His lies are so good, and I believe them. And then I hurt, and I get sucked into this mindset that I am not enough. I am not doing enough, living enough, experiencing enough, giving enough, being enough, enough enough enough ENOUGH! I hate that sick circle. I just go round and round, sparring myself. I’m taking punches and throwing punches, but only hurting myself.

So how do I get out? How do I get out of my head and get over myself?
I’ve got to give myself permission to let God take over. One of my favorite authors and speaker, Jen Hatmaker, said

“we need to give our hearts permission to trust God.”

That’s REALLY hard for me, but it REALLY shouldn’t be.

He is our creator, and our good good Father. Why wouldn’t I want him ruling my heart, mind, and life? I cannot control this life because it’s not really mine to live. It was purposed so specifically and beautifully to me, BUT IT’S FOR HIS GLORY, not mine.
So when my ears are ringing with noise, I really should follow my daughters lead and sing the song in my heart to drown out the lies.
I’m apologizing now in advance for the songs I love to sing but don’t always know the words so I just make up my own.
And I’ll leave you with a friendly reminder song to “Think Good Thoughts,” thank you Colbie Caillat.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=It4Bftx6pFY 

A little fit takes a lot of faith

I don’t know why, but God really likes to talk to me through workout videos. Maybe that’s when I’m really focused?? Sadly, no. That’s usually when I’m trying not to fall on my face in a yoga pose, or desperately gasping for air after about 50 burpees. But then the trainer on the video says something that just clicks, and then I keep this silly workout video phrase in my heart forever. God just gets me, and I so love that about Him. He knows when I really need to hear something, and he knows when to say it so that I’ll actually retain it. He meets me right where I am, even if it’s in Warrior III.
Recently God used Autumn from the Beachbody Chisel DVD to speak to my 180 bpm beating heart. We were almost to the end of the workout, which is the worst part for me because I want to quit and am fighting off all the voices in my head that say, you’re good, take a break, you don’t need to do the last 5 minutes 😉 You know those voices. Autumn typically tells us to suck it up at this point, but in this particular workout she says,

“Your desire to change has to be greater than your desire to stay the same.”

Makes sense right? If we really want to wear those skinny jeans, then we can’t keep pressing pause and eating cupcakes for dinner. It makes perfect sense, but we still like cupcakes and we still like easy.

This is my struggle – staying the same. Staying in the lines I’ve drawn around me is really nice and safe, and I like it there. But, is that where I’m supposed to be? Is there more that He has for me? The truth is that God is asking me to do hard things right now. He’s pushing me into people, places, and things that scare me, and the deeper I get, the harder He pushes.
But I can’t move forward unless I really, truly want to move forward in my heart. I have to want to change, more than I want to stay safely the same. I have to want to be changed, knowing it’s going to put an end to the comforts I know now.

Which brings me to my all time favorite workout quote,

“Get comfortable with being uncomfortable!”

Jillian Michaels, you spoke truth to me through that Yoga Meltdown workout. Change is not comfortable. Sometimes change hurts, it makes you grow, it shapes your life, and sometimes it brings you to your knees. Which maybe is exactly where you need to be?

Right now, God is asking me to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. He’s asking me to tear down my walls, and to let Him lead me. To desire a change in myself that will be never ending and possibly terrifying. A change that will uproot me from my current comfortable seat in life, and set my feet on a path to places unimaginable.

Slowly I’ll start to notice the change, when I’m not quite the person that I was, and not yet the person that I will be. I can’t wait!