There is something that draws me to watching videos of dirty carpets being cleaned and gritty scummy pavements being washed. It’s weird I know, because of all the impactful and moving content there is on the internet, it’s these videos that speak to me. I just love watching the process of cleaning things up, and I can’t wait to see what’s underneath when they’re done. And I think it’s because I know what a miracle it is now to be made new. I know what it feels like to be buried underneath layers of dirt, years of darkness, bitter seasons of separation from God, and then to feel the washing away of it all. God draws hearts in the dirt to remind us that even though darkness comes, and even though dirt can pile up on the front steps of our lives, his love covers it all. His blood paid every debt we will ever owe, so that we now need only to look to him and accept it. Look for the heart of God, no matter how messy you think your front steps have become. He will never leave you buried, he will pull you right out into your testimony. Because what we see as junk and grime, he restores and redeems into tools we can use to draw hearts for others so they too might see God’s love for them.
I have always been a producer of things. I love the process of working through ideas and tasks to get to a final finished product that makes a difference or that matters to someone. But lately I’ve been asking myself, even though I am producing much in areas that are deemed good, am I actually working on things that are aligned with what God is truly asking me to do? OR am I producing much as a distraction, in response to the bigger project God has for me? Am I distracting myself with good things to justify my hesitancy of going all in on a plan that is going to cost me everything?
I love God, there is no doubt about that, but when he asks me not just to loosen my grip, but to open my hands and give him all of it, everything I hold tightly, I find I have a very human response. One with doubt and conditions. One where I say I will give this to you Lord, but you have to promise that it will turn out the way I want it to. I bet many of you reading this have held on to similar things in your life, and if you have been able to let go, I ask you to pray for me and anyone else that clings to what we know.
As I was mowing over the weekend I was in a position where the only things that I was able to produce were lines in the grass and a trimmed up yard, and that’s where God decided to produce a deeper work in me. He put me right in my place through grace that wasn’t deserved. How blessed for me that God does not deal in shame or condemnation, but in goodness and glory redeemed by the blood of Jesus.
He reminded me of 2 Peter 1 verses 3 through 9. It says,
“His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.
For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins.”
What do I think I am going to lose by letting go? All that I have needed has already been provided, and it’s never going to run out. I haven’t been Making Every Effort. I’ve only been making the effort that is just a little bit scary, that feels just slightly outside of my box, so that it looks like I’m stepping out in faith, but really I’m tiptoeing around doubt.
I don’t want to hold back anymore. I’m calling myself out. I want to Make Every Effort to be who God has called me to be.
I shared a photo on social media of some flowers my husband brought home to me this weekend, but I remember a time when there were no flowers that I could see.
I was so exhausted from chasing after a life God never meant for me. I felt alone, unheard, and unseen. This couldn’t be the way it was supposed to be. I couldn’t see what was right in front of me.
And then one day I reached the end of myself. I had a choice, do I want to pick some shiny life off a shelf, or do I trust God to fulfill his promise to me? And I chose the promise.
Marriage isn’t always flowers just because for us. It’s actually been more about listening with our whole hearts, working through forgiveness, and committing over and over to be who God has asked us to be.
So if you’re in a season of no flowers, I see you. I was you. And I pray you’ll have new eyes to see that while maybe it doesn’t look like what you thought it would right now, God’s not done.
New and glorious blooms can grow from broken ground 💐
Spring is here and the green grass, warm weather, and bright flowers are always a welcome breath of fresh air.
But as I breathe in I begin to feel the dull ache that won’t stop until the crops come up, the weeds are kept at bay, and we get just enough rain to make sure the crops will be fair.
My body knows what’s coming.
It expects the change in pace and the new race that we’ll be running.
It’s ready to bear the weight again, just like it always does.
But maybe I’ll stand with a new stance this time, and not carry weights just because.
See I’m usually hustling here and there trying to fill the space that just needs a breathing living body for a moment. And I’m heaving under the pressure that I only put on myself because I believe the lies that I don’t have enough of any of the knowledge or strength needed for the jobs I’m doing.
I should when I shouldn’t, and I shouldn’t but I do. And it’s all because I let Satan tell me things about myself that have never been true.
But now I know this place is for me.
And can embrace this season before me.
Spring breathes in but I can breathe out because I’m right where I’m supposed to be.
I can bear the weight with new legs of truth to stand on, because it’s Christ in me that will carry it all, that’s what God has always planned on.
How kind is God to remind me that I don’t need a new goal, a new dream, or a new accomplishment to bring him glory? As last year came to a close, I struggled to find clarity and my next steps for the new year. By this point I’m always goal setting and already goal getting. Checking boxes and climbing higher is where I thrive, where I feel the most like myself. But now I’m seeing that is where my struggle lies. I’m seeing that’s where my struggle has always been, it’s just been coved up by new skills, new titles, new hobbies, and new accomplishments. But what if this year I’m not supposed to embrace the newness, but instead to surrender to the life that’s already here around me, to whatever God has for me?
Surrender. I try to do my best at so many things, at almost everything actually. But not surrender. If I surrender, it means I give up in my mind, and I just can’t do that. I will hang on to that control for dear life because I am scared of not knowing how something is going to go. The act of surrender is absolutely my biggest struggle. But when God asks us to surrender, he’s not asking us to give up or to quit. He is really asking for much more. Much more than I want to sign up for. What he is really asking us to do is to let go, and to let HIM. Rapha.
In Hebrew, “rapha” relates to Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God.” Rapha means to be still, to be weak, to let go, to release…to surrender. I came across it as I was looking for another word in Hebrew for a good friend. Her word seemed much prettier, honestly, and I wanted it for myself as soon as I read it. “Qavah,” to wait on God with eagerness and expectation that he will redeem, restore, and fulfill his promise. Yeah, that sounds way better to me than being “weak.” But that was her word, and it wasn’t meant for me. So I had to surrender it too right then and there.
As I sat in church this past Sunday, I thought more on this word, “rapha,” and how I might act on it. “God, show me what you want me to do, and I’ll do it!”
And there it was again. The word literally means to be still, and all I’ve wanted to do since I’ve heard it is take action, that’s how deep the go- getter bloods runs in me. But as I continued to listened to the sermon, God put the gentlest hand on my heart. He opened my eyes a little wider. He let me see him and this world a little clearer. Rapha doesn’t mean I have to actually sit still and do nothing, give up everything, and just let God take over. Not quite yet at least, not always. But instead of dreaming up something new to press into, God allowed me to take a step out of my comfortable little box, and to really look at my life, look at my family, look at the ministry around me. He showed me the value in standing still, being still, right where I am, because exactly where he’s placed me, is exactly where he can use me.
I prayed this morning that I’d just let him. That I’d loosen my grip, unclench my fists, and surrender so that God would have his way, even if his way doesn’t go quite like the the way I would have chosen. After I prayed I looked deeper into the the word rapha, and found another meaning that sealed the deal for me. Rapha in Hebrew also means to heal or to restore, and translates to “healer” and “physician.” That was all I needed. I look inside me, around me, and all over the people I love and the people I meet, and I see hurt, I see need, I see pain, and I see suffering. We all have a heart that needs mended, and there is only one cure. One Answer. One Healer. One Great Physician. And that’s Jesus. That’s Rapha.
When I first started in women’s ministry, I started because I was moved by the gathering of groups of women who craved connection to Jesus and to each other. I felt that longing myself. This world was not enough, but Jesus filled those empty spaces and I wanted to share that with everyone I met.
So filled with Jesus and a dream I brought an idea to my sister in Christ, and God had planted the same dream in her heart. Only Jesus. We then set forward on this beautiful journey that has been Rove.
We asked God, what do you have for us to do? Whatever it is, we will do it! And we did.
We spent a weekend in a yurt, we rented a cabin and poured out our hearts with women over meals and in praising God outside in the snow. We gathered together with women for days of speaking and teaching and worship. We sat down in simple tables and chairs and in coffee shop back rooms and just read books of the Bible out loud stopping to discuss anything a woman might want to talk about. And we started a podcast so we could meet our friends wherever they are, driving to work, feeding babies, walking outside, or when they’re at their lowest point. We partnered with a women’s crisis pregnancy center hosting wellness days for local women. And we were lead to a woman who was called to open her home to Rove for a weekend, and we camped out in her extra rooms and held hands and cried on shoulders around a campfire under clouds of lightning. God just keeps filling the spaces.
We’ve answered every call that God has placed on our hearts for ministry, and now I find myself here again with hands and arms wide open.
We have made plans for Rove for the coming months, but that’s just it. The things we make ministry sometimes have more to do with our own ideas and desires for dreams than the simple obedience God is asking of us.
So I’m sorry Lord, for things I’ve made this.
It’s all about you, Jesus, and I ask you to make Rove whatever you would have it to be.
CK took a few big waves today and it shook her up. She walked back up to the beach and held her tears until she got to me, then she let it all out. I held her and told her I was watching her the whole time, and that she handled those waves just fine. She got settled down and then I sent her up to talk to her dad. I didn’t hear their conversation, but whatever he said lifted her head and lifted her heart because she ran right back out to the waves as brave as ever.
It reminded me of all the waves we take in life. They smack us in the face and pull us under, they toss us around and can wash us out farther from the shore than we ever want to be. And sometimes we’re scared to walk back up on the beach and face the people that saw us go under. Truth be told, most of them probably weren’t even paying attention in the first place. Too busy dipping their own toes in the water or trying to find their own perfect spot in the sun. But God provides us with those safe people to run to. The ones that hold you tight and listen and tell you that you’re going be ok. The ones that keep pointing you back to the Father.
And then we go to Him and he’s not even disappointed we took a fall. When we come to him, he remembers our sin no more. He lifts our heads. He restores our souls. He doesn’t always take the waves of life away, but we can be sure that he’s right there to ride them with us .
Charlie has been doing a science unit on the brain for the past few weeks and to be honest, I’ve been learning and relearning a lot of things myself. She just read an article about why our our foot falls asleep, and I was just in the mood to tune it out until God laid out a nice little sermon for me in that 3rd Grade Science Lesson.
We all know what happens when our foot falls asleep. We’ve been sitting on it for too long and then it goes numb, and sometimes it can feel really heavy. Then we stand back up again and we start to feel that tingle, that pins and needles feeling. But why does this happen? I’m quick to blame the blood supply. When we sit on our foot, we are cutting off that blood supply, but our foot falling asleep really has more to do with our nerves. The nerves in our body are like little phone lines that carry messages from our brain to the other parts of the body so we can function. When we sit on our foot, we are cutting off the blood supply, but we are also compressing those nerves and cutting off communication between our brain and our foot. The foot can’t hear the message from the brain, and the brain can’t talk to the foot. The phone line goes dead.
Isn’t that just like our relationship with God? I think about the times that I’ve sat too long in the pit of my sin or leaned so hard on my own understanding. It’s in those places and positions that the devil strikes. I go numb, and not only do my feet feel heavy, but every part of my life feels heavy, and in my despair I’m quick to blame the Blood. I can’t hear my Father, and think He’s forsaken me because I’ve cut off that line of communication. Instead of words that lift my head and soothe my soul, all I can hear is the devil’s lies that become louder the longer I sit.
He says things like,
“You can do it all on your own.”
“You don’t need God.”
” You know better. “
“You’re not worthy. “
“God is mad at you. “
And just like our phone line to our foot goes dead when it can’t hear messages from the brain, we sit dead in our sin when we’re stuck in our heads and hearts with the devil, and can’t hear the voice of our Father.
But there is good news! He never leaves us or forsakes us. He never stops trying to get His message to us that WE CAN STAND UP.
1 Corinthians 10:13 says, “God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that YOU CAN STAND UP UNDER IT.”
God will always give us a way out of our sin. We can stand up. And it might be uncomfortable at first. And it might hurt. We will feel that tingle and the pins and needles that prick and prune our hearts as we let go of who we were in our sin and become who God has created us to be in Him. But we will walk again. Maybe slow at first, and dragging some of those sins and hurts along behind us. But once we learn to let go and turn away from the things that drag us down into the pit, we can do more than walk with the Lord. We can run.
The end of Charlie’s article said, “Worried about your sleepy feet? You don’t need to be — everyone has a foot fall asleep once in a while, and it’s rare for it to mean there is something wrong in a kid’s body. If you want to keep your feet awake and kicking, don’t sit on them or put them in other positions where you’re squashing the nerves.”
I think we can remind ourselves of the same thing. Are we worried about falling down into our pits of sin and self? We don’t need to be when we keep our focus on Him- everyone has a fall once in a while, and it doesn’t mean God doesn’t see us or love us. But if we want to keep ourselves awake to the lies the devil tells us in our sin, then we need to stop putting ourselves in positions where we squash the voice of our Father.
“Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” – Hebrews 12:1-3
I got to speak to the warmest group of ladies on this little fortune cookie message last week, and I thought I should share it here too, where it all started.
This fortune came to me at a time when I didn’t feel inspiring at all. Actually, I felt like putting down this part of me. Taking a break from writing and speaking words that move me, that I hoped moved others. Because I was tired, because I was defeated, because I felt like no one was listening, like none of this even mattered.
I don’t really put much into fortunes, but I do believe that God can use even a fortune cookie to get my attention and change my heart. And he did.
Two days after getting this fortune, I was invited to speak at an event because someone thought I would be inspiring. God, you are so good!
God let me know I was right where I was supposed to be, doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing! I believe that God puts us in the best places for us. He places us where we can be used, molded, refined, and bring others to him and glory to his name.
But just because we are right where we need to be, it doesn’t mean that it’s going to be easy. Actually it’s still really hard and exhausting and can feel completely wrong.
But that is where and how we become the people God designed us to be. We heal, we find strength, we make peace, and we spread his goodness. Because when we walk in the way he has for us, he goes with us, for us, and in us. Amen!
Fit Grit & Grace 