I have always been a producer of things. I love the process of working through ideas and tasks to get to a final finished product that makes a difference or that matters to someone. But lately I’ve been asking myself, even though I am producing much in areas that are deemed good, am I actually working on things that are aligned with what God is truly asking me to do? OR am I producing much as a distraction, in response to the bigger project God has for me? Am I distracting myself with good things to justify my hesitancy of going all in on a plan that is going to cost me everything?

I love God, there is no doubt about that, but when he asks me not just to loosen my grip, but to open my hands and give him all of it, everything I hold tightly, I find I have a very human response. One with doubt and conditions. One where I say I will give this to you Lord, but you have to promise that it will turn out the way I want it to. I bet many of you reading this have held on to similar things in your life, and if you have been able to let go, I ask you to pray for me and anyone else that clings to what we know.

As I was mowing over the weekend I was in a position where the only things that I was able to produce were lines in the grass and a trimmed up yard, and that’s where God decided to produce a deeper work in me. He put me right in my place through grace that wasn’t deserved. How blessed for me that God does not deal in shame or condemnation, but in goodness and glory redeemed by the blood of Jesus.

He reminded me of 2 Peter 1 verses 3 through 9. It says,

“His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.

 For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge;  and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness;  and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.  But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins.”

What do I think I am going to lose by letting go? All that I have needed has already been provided, and it’s never going to run out. I haven’t been Making Every Effort. I’ve only been making the effort that is just a little bit scary, that feels just slightly outside of my box, so that it looks like I’m stepping out in faith, but really I’m tiptoeing around doubt.

I don’t want to hold back anymore. I’m calling myself out. I want to Make Every Effort to be who God has called me to be.

I shared a photo on social media of some flowers my husband brought home to me this weekend, but I remember a time when there were no flowers that I could see.

I was so exhausted from chasing after a life God never meant for me. I felt alone, unheard, and unseen. This couldn’t be the way it was supposed to be. I couldn’t see what was right in front of me.

And then one day I reached the end of myself. I had a choice, do I want to pick some shiny life off a shelf, or do I trust God to fulfill his promise to me? And I chose the promise.

Marriage isn’t always flowers just because for us. It’s actually been more about listening with our whole hearts, working through forgiveness, and committing over and over to be who God has asked us to be.

So if you’re in a season of no flowers, I see you. I was you. And I pray you’ll have new eyes to see that while maybe it doesn’t look like what you thought it would right now, God’s not done.

New and glorious blooms can grow from broken ground 💐