I am Martha

I wrote this post almost 2 years ago, but it still feels true today. I’m still fighting to be Mary in a Martha Mindset. But I’m seeing the beauty a little clearer now. There is freedom in letting go of some of the things that are holding on to me. I’ve laid down a few things this year. Saying goodbye is hard. But now I get to sit at Jesus’ feet and just wait, just breathe, just trust that God has my next move. I turned 30 years old today and I needed to read these words again to start this next season of my life.

I am Martha, running around trying to guarantee my worth and everyone else’s happiness.”- www.shereadstruth.com

I read this phrase in the She Reads Truth devotional, and it hit me in just the right way so that I could see my struggle and the things it’s keeping me from.

I struggle being Mary in a world where I’ve always been Martha.


Luke 10:38-42
At the Home of Martha and Mary
“As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

See Martha saw the need for the table to be set and the food to be made and to
MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY.

But Mary saw the real need, JESUS.  Mary set aside the busy life stuff, and saw the importance of sitting at Jesus’ feet so she might hear the words he had for her.

The calling on my life to be a sharer of God’s word has grown stronger and more difficult this year. Before, when I felt like he was just calling me to write words on a page, that wasn’t so scary. But now that I’ve felt the calling to share the words he gives, it gets messy. That’s when I become Martha. I go over and over the things I write, not trusting that they are from him, so they are good. I set the words out into the world and then worry about what everyone thinks of them and thinks of me, not trusting that they are from him, so they are good. Not trusting that I am obeying, so God is being glorified. Not trusting that the acceptance of others amounts to nothing at the end of my life when I’m face to face with Jesus trying to explain why my love of people and acceptance is greater than my love of obeying him.

My biggest ugliest struggle is the time, thought, and emotion I put into pleasing other people. With this struggle, there comes a time when you just lose your ever loving mind because some people just CANNOT be happy.
I have to stop letting my concern with other people get in the way of my ability to sit at Jesus’ feet and listen to what He is saying.


I want to be Mary. I want to just drop my need for order and wanting to have everything put together all the time. I want to ditch my desire for acceptance from EVERYONE. I want to trust that God is fully able and doesn’t need my assistance to run his show. I want to be Mary and sit at Jesus’ feet. I want to be Mary and hear what God has for me.
I want to be Mary and know that acceptance from God is all I need.


So let me tell you something really beautiful. WE  ALREADY HAVE HIS ACCEPTANCE.  

All of us.

He accepted us when he sent his son to die on a cross for us. He accepted our sins and paid them in full before we were even brought to life. And all he wants is for us to be like Mary. To sit at his feet. To wait on him. To trust him. 

We all have Martha moments, but life is much more fulfilling when we learn to be Mary.

 

When was the last time you felt seen?

When was the last time you felt seen?

Last weekend I got to be apart of a ladies retreat with a cousin who I also get to call friend, and a few ladies that I barely knew. We are women, we know how to talk, so conversations instantly started flowing. I’d brought along some conversation cards for table talk, but we probably didn’t even need them to open up.

We got to know each other quickly and by Saturday evening we were able to share hard truths.

This question was asked as we sat around the dinner table,

“When was the last time you felt seen?”

I wish I could have bottled up the honesty and vulnerability in all of our answers because it was absolutely beautiful and genuine. We saw each other for where we each had been, who we were in that moment, and who God was leading us to be. Whether we had felt seen recently or not, around that table, we were all looking into each others hearts.

Now I’m home to the realness. Actually, autocorrect just wanted to correct realness to real mess and I kind of like that better. I’m home to the real mess of normal everyday life of mommin, workin, runnin, and overthinkin my little heart out. And I wonder, does anyone see me? And do I really see anyone?

Sometimes I don’t think I give people the chance to see me, or the opportunity to show their true hearts to me. I’ve built strong walls and hung up my pretty painted pictures that look nice at a glance, but don’t show the scuffs and scratches that walls do after a life has really been lived in them.

Without any bumps and nicks in the paint I feel like I’ve become unapproachable, intimidating, and closed off to people in my life who want to be seen for who they are or who truly want to see me.

So I want to be more authentic. I want to show my wear, bear my dents and divots, and display the real mess picture of my life. I want the freedom to be seen.

But I also want to grant that freedom to the people around me. Aside from God, we are all we’ve got. So let’s start getting each other. Take off our everyday masks and open our eyes to the peace found in genuine vulnerability.

“Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.”

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4:2-3‬ ‭NLT‬‬